When progress doesn't feel like progress
Month 9 of building Chumi Studio
It’s strange to be talking about business, when the world is being turned upside down. From the Epstein files to the war in Iran, it’s hard not to feel a sense of impending doom looking at the news these days.
I don’t even really dig into it anymore the way I used to back when I was still working in the politics space. But I must admit that it’s a huge privilege to be able to do so.
I don’t want to blame the state of world affairs for my mood, but I’ve been feeling unusually tired these days.
I’ve been doing this long enough to know that it’s just part of the reality of running a business. Not every month is going to be as productive as you’d like it to be. Energy levels fluctuate, and so will your business.
But I’m glad I’ve committed to writing these monthly reviews, because it forces me to see the progress I don’t feel.
What I have been up to
On my way back from Gran Canaria, I got stuck in Madrid. So I unfortunately missed the 2hearts New Year’s event that I had been looking forward to. In case you don’t remember from my last update, I actually created a custom illustration for it.
But there’s always a silver lining. While stuck at the airport, I met Ivana Karlić Ban, one of very few female truffle hunters in the world. Her mother was one of the world’s first women to receive a hunting license. It was quite amazing to hear her story.
The situation at the airport was very messy. In the end, I just flew to Hamburg to stay with my sister. But the sleep deprivation caused by an entire night at the airport hit me hard. It took me a few days to recover from that.
Back in Berlin, I finally received the red envelopes I had ordered. Since it was too dark in my apartment, I went to amatō café to take the product pictures.
About a week later, I entered a collaboration with them.
You might think that I manifested it, but there’s a whole backstory to it. I originally approached amatō late last year, when they already had enough artists lined up. But I also wanted to interview Viet (the owner) and Heidi (the art curator and marketing manager) for my podcast, You Rice Me Up.
I haven’t gotten round to it yet, but I have been visiting the café regularly since then. I like the drinks and Ube cheesecake there, and the people are so nice. At one point, one thing led to another, and that’s how we ended up here.
Sometime in between, I celebrated my 31st birthday with a small group of close friends. I arranged a porcelain painting session and boardgames. It was very wholesome, and I couldn’t have imagined a better way to spend the day.
This month truly was a reminder for me that life is all about genuine connections.
In light of lunar new year, I went to a dinner with some very inspiring women, organised by my mentor Sophie Chung. I consider her a friend as well, but since she’s such a trailblazer, I keep referring to her as my mentor.
Everyone at the table was of Asian descent, and either German or Austrian born or raised. Most of them were founders. It was one of the most enjoyable group dinners I’ve ever had. Even though there were a lot of new faces, we just intuitively understood each other, and the stories were so relatable that we laughed a lot.
The next day I returned to the same restaurant, which belongs to a friend, to volunteer at a children’s dumpling-making and calligraphy workshop. Helping out and talking to the people brought back a lot of childhood memories (I’m a restaurant kid).
Other than that, I’ve been visiting bookstores and contacting stationery buyers to do some research in preparation for my next product drop (shoutout to Jenny from Book Affairs, Malena from Hundt Hammer Stein, and Simone for being so kind and helpful).
I also had an inspiring mentoring session with Tamana Ayazi, an award-winning filmmaker and journalist, as part of the One Young World Action Accelerator, and finished the month with another reorder from the bookstore I’m working with, Love Story Of Berlin.
How it’s going
There’s a reason they say you think you’re building the business, but the business is building you 😂
Entrepreneurship is a bootcamp in mental resilience. It brings out the best and worst in you. And it’s up to you how to respond.
As for me, I’m aware that I’m very much still fighting old thought patterns.
Based on neuroscience, the brain largely switches between two modes: (1) a focused, task-oriented mode, and (2) a more diffuse, integrative mode.
Switching between the two is necessary for creativity. But our modern work culture is not made for it.
Having adapted to this culture over the years, it’s really hard for me to feel a sense of accomplishment at times, especially as a creative founder. I need enough rest to be creative, but resting makes me feel unproductive, which makes it hard for me to do.
At the same time, I want to give 100% to everything I do. But I can’t. It’s like I’m the school director, teacher, and student at the same time. I need to set the curriculum, the goals, the metrics, and also learn, apply, and evaluate my own performance.
It’s easy for others to dish out well-meant advice looking in from the outside, but for the past few months, there’s not a single piece of advice I have received that I have not already thought of. Thinking is not the problem, execution is.
I’m just one person trying to do it all.
It can feel quite overwhelming at times, especially when the cashflow doesn’t match my efforts, and “achievement amnesia” kicks in: forgetting every progress I’ve made shortly after I’ve made it, unless I write it down.
In other words: things are moving, but never fast enough.
Realising this, I’ve decided to take care of my cashflow problem first by looking into relevant jobs and freelance gigs. At first, this decision felt like a step back. But I like to remind myself (and you) that life is a marathon, not a race.
Sometimes you have to slow down to go further.
Stay tuned
And this was month 9 of building Chumi Studio.
Whatever you do today, just remember: the day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Keep going, I’m rooting for you! ☺️
May we all build the life of our dreams whilst remembering that all we have is now.